1..A policeman is doing his usual rounds just before midnight when he passes a parking lot and notices a couple inside a parked car. He stops to investigate and sees a man in the driver’s seat and a young lady sitting in the backseat, quietly reading a magazine.
The officer knocks on the driver’s window and asks what’s going on.
“Listening to music,” the guy says. Pointing toward the young lady in the backseat, the officer asks, “And what’s she doing?”
“Reading a magazine, of course.”
“How old are you?” asks the officer.
“I’m 23.” ”And how old is she?”
The guy looks at his watch and says, “Well, in 11 minutes she’ll be 18.”
The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.”
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?”
The man replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.” Shaking his head, he continued, “I just can’t take that chance.”
3..A man was invited to a friend’s home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, etc. He was impressed at this, since the couple had been married over 50 years.
While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, “I think it’s wonderful that after all the years, you still call your wife those pet names.”
His buddy shrugged, lowered his voice and said, “To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago.”